I’m not sure I had hit rock bottom when I was felled by burnout six years ago, but I can’t have been too far off. There was just no question of going back to the life I had before. And in a way, that was a huge relief.
I might have had the brains to function well in the corporate world, the rest of me felt totally out of place there. My heart was never really in it.
My inner Wild Woman constantly rebelled against the power games, the endless boring meetings, the inflated egos, the Holy Bottom Line. I had lasted this long because there was international travel and working with other cultures. Because there were juicy, complex puzzles to solve. Because I met many truly wonderful people. Because the money was good. And mostly, because I didn’t have a clue what else I should be doing with my life, and I didn’t have the guts to get out there and explore. I was stuck, until my body decided for me that enough was enough, by shutting down.
Since then, it’s been a long uphill climb back to myself.
Lots of introspection. Lots of trial and error. Really good folks helped me on this journey, and I’m still super grateful for that. I needed all the help I could get to survive, at first, and to reinvent my life once the energy came back.
I basically decided to fire my brain from its position as CEO of my life, and to give that role to my heart, soul and body instead. My brain still has a seat on the Advisory Board though – I won’t be recklessly jumping off cliffs any time soon.
But how do you make this switch, when you’ve been living in your frontal lobes almost your whole life ? The usual suspects of course – yoga, meditation, being in nature, mindfulness, learning to feel and trust the wisdom of my body. And also, unexpectedly, painting.
To make anything that is authentic, real, raw – I have to get out of my head and let things flow. Some days I get there better than others. But I’m learning.
Like Alice’s Looking Glass, art can be a kind of portal into another world.
A way inward. Scary shit, but unavoidable if you want to live fully. And I do, now. I want to celebrate life !
May I invite you to step into my paintings with me, if they resonate with you ? I’d love for you to join me on my journey, by subcribing to the Stories on my website (please click on the button below).
Twice a month, I’ll publish a story on the (non)sense of art and life ; on what might be on the other side of the Looking Glass.
I look forward to see you there !
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